It is tiring really, that every single day we are beaten up by the constant self-doubt, fear, and trust issue to our self because we are bombarded by the “ideal” life someone might show it to us and claimed as a set bar to us that that’s how life should gonna be.

Be honest, if this sounds like what happened to you….

• Feeling hopeless even after we have done our best to ourselves.
• Secretly jealous when you see someone’s achievement or somebody you look up to have everything.
• Feels like whatever you do is not good enough and you are basically feeling average and unseen.

If that might happened to you, don’t worry because of me too. But, this is totally unhealthy right? It is tiring mentally and physically.

Since we are kid we are taught to always be the best and be ideal. Including to be the top rank on competing against our classmates. We taught to snatch the highest score in class in all the subjects. Basically, we are taught to be magic since kid. And the worst is we are very known to be exposed by comparison with our friends since kid. This mindset is planted in our mind, if we become the best in our class than our parents will be happy and proud if we have good grades than the teacher won’t punish us etc. We start to wonder “what if” situation that makes us a thing that will give us better conditions.

Most people compare themselves to others throughout their whole lives. What and who you actually race for? And what is the prize you’ll get? What’s the trophy? Don’t you agree that it gets you more anxiety rather than peace and grateful for your heart and mind?

Name it, school, marriage, body shape, beauty, salary, career, home, cars, kids, social life, etc. Does everything seem like a competition towards another?

Sometimes, it’s you trying to compare what you have in real life to that image of idealism you think it suits you. Because what you post on social media isn’t what your life actually looks like — but this picture you created of yourself that you want other people to see and believe that makes your life also looks good and even better than them.

Isn’t it feels so tiring?

And until you stop and look at yourself, this is enough, where we all treat our lives like it’s a competition we have to win.

“Your life is your own unique journey — it is unlike a journey any other person, before you or after you, will ever take.” — Shon Mehta

1. Chill, other’s success won’t take yours. You have your own success.

The truth is we can all be successful. Basically, the idea is to let go of something that not yours and not belong to yours. And don’t be upset at others winning because eventually, you will have your moment of winning in our own timeline. Maybe the winning might be not as shiny as others, but it is yours that needs to be embrace, own and thankful. You can be enough of what you are having without feeling having it less than others.

• You can give an honest compliment to others without hating yourself
• You can congratulate someone’s work without belittling yours too
•  You can support someone a wholeheartedly without feeling worried to be left behind

Be honest with yourself and you definitely could help others to feel good too without hurting them. If you think life isn’t a competition you will feel easier to invite other people to your life, share your own kindness and let them feel welcome. You will feel more open and mean it dearly to say something positive to others and it’s not only a sugar coating.

2. Stop competing against yourself. Be thankful to yourself for trying its best.

“Doing your best is more important than being the best.” ~Zig Ziglar

Along the way in life, you will meet many struggles, many challenges, and many difficulties. Of course, the line of the journey is totally different from someone else’s. It wouldn’t be unfair if you compare and compete with some who are having a different start line and different circumstances to involve. Because you are an entirely different person. Your background, personality, past, interests, goals, strengths, and weaknesses, etc. Maybe what you compare as a start now, is already someone’s middle. Let’s be frank, the truth is we don’t always see the whole picture. We only see success. We might don’t see their years of struggle, their hustle and their sacrifices on getting what they have now. 

Since I changed my perspective, I’ve stopped beating myself up. I now talk to myself kindly. I treat myself with dignity and respect. I know I am worthy of the best things life has to offer, and it is my birthright to be happy. My happiness is nothing to compete or fight for.

3. Be honest about what you want in life.

The idea of why you are competing in this life might be because you are not really clear about what you want in this life. It set you to the framework of thinking that others life might work for you. You are pursuing something that you think it will make you feel happy and winning though it might not something that you want. You might do it because other people do it. You don’t have to live life the way everyone else is living it, just because someone else told you so. And that’s where the anxiety and impatience often come in. As we set other life to be a competition and an ideal life we want to pursue, this might because a mindset of we think we’re not growing fast enough or we’re not doing enough which then translates into “I’m not enough”.

If you know and be clear enough with what you want in this life than it is enough.

Mollyhostrudio said that you do not have to be someone else, and you do not have to “prove your life” to other people. Choose to be your own person, and stop treating your life like it’s a competition.

Along the way, I’ve learned that most of that feeling is actually up-to-us to decide in our mind. Life is not a competition and the only person we should ever worry about doing better than is our self. We shouldn’t worry about whether we are doing as good or better than other people. Everybody has their own pace in which they do things. Always keep in mind, the best way to excel in life is to focus on yourself and not wrap yourself up worrying about others.

If you hold a belief in your mind that everything is a competition, then you will see the world as one big competition. Too crowded, too many rivals, too many interests, and too many efforts.

However, if you hold a belief that nothing is a competition, then you can approach your experiences completely differently. You will embrace the journey, you will understand the meaning of each step of effort, and you will feel okay if one day you’ll fail. It’s not like you are not enough and you should be perfect. But you will appreciate more to yourself that you tried your very best.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”― Sharon Salzberg