Suddenly, I feel like how far, how far and how fast I run, it feels like I am not going anywhere. I did try my best tho. I did a lot of things. But the loop is surely an evil. It feels like what I did is just for the time passing and it doesn’t lead me anywhere. I tried to write it in a wrap:

Starting over doesn’t mean you lost it all.

You now start with deeper experience and lesson.

You are wiser.

I guess, it needs a huge acceptance and a huge heart to start that point. I wonder how does it feels if we just stop living, stop trying, just as is. Does that will make any difference too with the way I did it now?

I was a color in someone life before who’s dark and hollow. But I believe when I am gone, I still have many colors to my rainbow. I wonder, why that person’s color is still in my rainbow, cause I wished it better to be washed by the rain and then gone. What I know my color in this person life is no longer exist. The bright, the charm is no longer needed. My existence even not worth for this person to be kept. I realized I now surrender to the One who create the color

Why cry and desperate over someone that even doesn’t even feel the pain that we carry?

And here I am, dealing with the peaceful mind and soul.

Jakarta,

16 February 2021